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Learn what you genuinely enjoy and find partners who enjoy having that done to them. When the puzzle pieces are just right you always bat 1,000 in the box. Enthusiasm can’t be faked and it’s such a good feeling knowing you are desired to the maximum.


“Bat 1,000 in the box” Great pun


"find partners" oh fuck


I have to agree with you. I would say communication is extremely important. In and out of bed.


be teachable, listen, don't be self interested, and communicate.


Self interest is good, it just shouldn't be too much. If you are visibly not having a good time, she will likely not like it too. But this summarized it well


That's what my issue was, she kept saying do whatever you want but I don't know what I want so she thought I was not having a good time but I was....


Listen. Above all else. And when he/she says something along the lines of "oh yes, just like that!" for the love of gods don't change anything. Not the pace, not the depth, not the angle. Do it *exactly* like that until well after they've come.


And since no one so far in these 900+ comments has mentioned how you're going to keep doing that without finishing 1st; Don't hold your breath, in fact, focus on it. Don't clench your glutes or tense your quads (big muscles with a lot of blood that wants to be somewhere else right now). Work upto insertion with foreplay (both of you, you don't want to go 0-100, even just the tip and if it's too much get your mouth back in the game for a minute). If you get close you can pull out for a few seconds, but this can make starting again difficult if you're too close, so monitor yourself. You'll get better with practise. When you pee, try pushing and then stopping the flow without clenching your arse. This will build your mind muscle connection to the muscle you need for stopping yourself from finishing if you go past the line.


>When you pee, try pushing and then stopping the flow without clenching your arse. This will build your mind muscle connection to the muscle you need for stopping yourself from finishing if you go past the line. *Kegels motherfuckers, they're not just for pregnant women.*


I used to fuck for good, now I fuck for evil


*insert evil patrick meme here*


Please don't insert your Patrick without consent folks!


Take pride in your work and love what you do


Do It Yourself™


If you swing that way then hey, practice makes perfect


Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life.


Lots of good tips here but remember sex starts outside the bedroom. Kiss her in the morning, do sweet things throughout the day. Make sure you know her love language and that she always feels loved, grab her and kiss her passionately randomly, tell her she looks sexy, smack her butt. Make her feel sexy and loved. That’s going to make her want to have sex with you. No matter how good your sex game is 8 years into the relationship she’s going to not want to have sex if you annoy the crap out of her and she doesn’t feel sexy and loved. Also same is true in reverse roles.


100 % this. If your partner doesn't feel desired they are not going to be responsive to any of your overtures, no matter how good you are. And it doesn't matter what gender your partner is, that's a universal human thing.


I take directions well.


I genuinely believe this is the best answer. Ask what your partner likes, ask them how they like it done, do it regularly, have a healthy sex life.


I've been in a relationship with an otherwise wonderful person but who was terrible at taking instruction and REMEMBERING it in subsequent sessions... made it pretty exhausting and constantly took me out of the moment


Details motherfucker, details!


I should mention that because of some things in my past, I have found it very difficult already to vocalize my needs and have often just faked pleasure because I wasn't enjoying it but couldn't get up the nerve to say something. I'd say cunnilingus is a rather intricate process so even slight movements to either side or up or down make a huge difference. Because I'd been with this person a long time, I figured I should let them know what I liked and didn't because otherwise I'd never have fun in bed. I tried guiding them in the right direction, letting them know that if I start breathing harder then take it as a green flag, and to try and switch it up if they get the vibe that I'm not feeling it, but also don't switch technique every 30 seconds. Because it is usually very hard for me to talk about what I need in the heat of the moment, I would give these tips either after we finished or at an entirely other time and sometimes it helped but usually not, maybe they couldn't remember what I had said by the next time. I was able to try saying something during and that kinda helped but also kinda turned me off and mostly they would head in the right direction but go back to what they were doing before so I just kinda gave up :/ Relationship ended for unrelated reasons, but I'm sure that usually being unable to bond completely while intimate didn't help.


I had a guy like this and I had to take anal off the table because no many how many times I was like: lube, fingers, SLOW, he'd try to get in there dick first with only natural lube, and sex would be over because no you can't say oh, oops, guess we'll just do vaginal sex with my bacteria-laden dick. We had so many conversations about it, oh my God. The most improvement he made was when he tried to dry finger my asshole in the middle of foreplay like my ass has a clit or something. Third and last time he made me bleed and was all uwu and sowwy and "That shouldn't happen" no fucking SHIT it shouldn't, I gave you the manual ten fucking times! Still pisses me off. Guys like this are why she did anal with her last boyfriend and refuses to with you, btw.


I had a guy first play me almost a straight half hour of reasons from jackie the jokeman and Howard Stern why I was not allowed to say no to anal, then he told me that all the other (married, ugh) women he had done it with didn't need any foreplay or prep and accused me of lying, and didn't believe that I have IBS anyway and that I won't try anal. Needless to say, we broke the hell up because he wouldn't take no for an answer and I was scared he was going to anally rape me. Jesus.


He sounds like a psycho who hates women and likes hurting them. Glad you got away


That's why men should try it themselves. Not only is it fun but you will appreciate the careful approach :D


You know what the crazy thing is? WE DID. I fingered him a few times, we both wanted to, and I was like explicitly-- "See how it's done? See how careful I was? Just remember I don't have a prostate, it doesn't feel as good for me as it does for you." Still went for it dick first.


That where you went wrong . You should have dry poked him with 2 fingers and then said "see hows its not done" Some ppl learn best with positive reinforcement others with negative.


lol, fair. NEXT TIME!


Some people just refuse to understand that porn =/= real life, no matter how many times you tell them.




Man I love being teased! I specifically told my partner that I need that kind of foreplay if I'm not really in the mood. But he just doesn't get it and after 30 sec goes for the nipple or clit. I think it's because he doesn't like the teasing part and likes to go straight to action.


Ugh I've had a guy try to use my clit as an on button. That is not how sex works for me.


> Oh, your body clearly reacts well to this? Maybe I should change it up and do something entirely diff-GUESS AGAIN FUCK NUT, I do the same thing That is key. Keep it going for a bit, instead of trying a thousand different things and not really giving her time to enjoy anything fully.


This guy fucks!


Grammatically accurate dirty talk.


Always have a thesaurus next to you in bed.


yeah, you like that you **grabs thesaurus** ...*floozy*


Captain Holt?


why is no one having fun? I specifically requested it!








you spicy paramore




lol this sounds like a scene in Archer


You’re doing well! Continue with said fellatio, but up the speed one notch


Apply an additional 0.06 J/m^3 of pressure and rotate direction by a bearing of 026°E for a further 6.2 seconds please.


They said dirty talk, more like > Apply an additional 0.06 J/m3 of pressure and rotate direction by a bearing of 026°E for a further 6.2, *you soiled prostitute*


> 0.06 J/m3 of pressure Oh fuck, atypical units of measurement are my fetish.


"I like when you touch me their." *Penis instantly deflates*


This person fucks well.


This is gonna sound weird, but you know when you're scratching a cat and you can tell if you hit a good spot by how loud they purr, or they kinda lean into it? It's kinda like that. (please note- this does not mean you can scratch the pussy and expect positive results)


Ima treat that kitty like a scratch and sniff now, thanks!




Audibly laughed at this thank you




And use a nail file to smooth the edges. Freshly cut nails are worse than long nails.


Rubbing the jagged edges on jean pants works surprisingly well too.


Who are all these guys out here we keep hearing about with fucked up jagged talons on their fingers?


This is hilarious but basically my first thought. Try some different things and pick up on what the other person reacts to. Obviously don’t go too far (otherwise you’d upset the cat and it’ll claw you), but once you get the hang of it you’ll find a lot of people like similar things.


My man just played that pussy like an NES


Instead of having casual sex up your game to ranked sex


I just stick to single player and play for the story.


Yeah the endgame in multiplayer gets pretty stale


1v1 me noob Edit: thanks for the reward! First one I've received in 5 years :D


Headshots only


please dont let others know im iron


I enjoy getting my partners off more than getting off myself.


Orgasims are like Christmas. It's nice to receive, but better to give!


And arrive only once in a year?


And all family members enjoy it together.


European nobility has entered the chat.


*The aristocrats have entered the chat.*


Large, jolly, bearded man cums down the chimney, with a bag full of goodies?


Eats your cookie, empties his sack and doesn‘t even stay for breakfast.


And surely leaves a load of snow and toys all around the chimney 😕


My philosophy is, I can get myself off anytime - it's not that special. But helping her get off is a different feel.


Same I call it my kink lol But really their joy IS my satisfaction


It actually is my kink. A woman having an orgasm is literally the hottest thing I can think of.


Exactly. I usually try to get my partner off at least once before there’s even any penetration


I read that as “parents”


Hhhhomygod me too


Finally someone else who gets it.


Stunt double


"Stunt Cock!"


Foreplay. Pay attention to them. Foreplay. Experiment and try new things, everyone has different things they enjoy. Fore fucking play. Many women have a significant mental component, its not always romance, figure that out. That goes for men too. Understand your partners anatomy. Oh and FOREPLAY!


You forgot to mention foreplay


add to that- foreplay doesn't have to stop at penetration


30 seconds of foreplay. Got it.


Be a giver


I give her my sperms.


Why did this make me chuckle uncontrollably


Enjoy pleasuring your partner and pay attention to what makes them feel good.




This X 1000. Learn to love cunnilingus. Go slow. Start easy, listen to her breathing, and stay on one move long enough, dont keep switching up.


Woman here. This man is correct


Man here. This woman is correct.


Correct here. This man is woman?


Is here. Correct this man woman?


This here correct. Man is woman


Great. Glad we cleared that up.


And if she starts saying “just like that” or something similar, for the love of God, DO NOT change what you’re doing.


> DO NOT change what you’re doing do not even change speed!! DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING


Stay alert boys and watch those fucking knees. She will try to throw off the groove don’t let her.


Yep, this. Huh, only just now realized I might be interested in bondage for this purpose. "I'm working hard here and you're messing up your own good time. That's it, you're getting strapped down."


Can confirm, this is correct usage of bondage


Can also confirm this is part of why gf and I use bondage.


I’ve been having trouble recently. I’ve loved giving cunnilingus to other girls in the past with no issues but my current girlfriend tastes terrible, like a dirty foot. She cleans herself and I try to wait until after she showers. It gets to the point where I gag a bit hours later. Idk what to do considering breaking up. Edit: thank you guys, a lot to think about




Gagged reading that second sentence. Good God.


If you really like the girl then level with her. If you guys can work together to figure it out, so much the better. Her taste is liable to change due to any number of factors. There are special PH balancing soaps and other options like diet and so on. If it comes down to it, there's a million ways to get her off without using your tounge, you've got plenty other options like toys, hands etc. If you really like this girl, you can make it work, but don't let something like that get in the way of real love. All that being said, you do what you have to do, brother. If you feel you couldn't be happy without having oral sex with your partner, then that's 100% your perogative and feel free to ignore this particular random stranger on the Internet.


This is great advice


Get covid, can't smell or taste afterwards!


Likely bacterial vaginosis. BV. Super persistent and I feel for her. I’ve know people who have had good results from boric acid vaginal suppositories that are made for this. I’m not qualified to give medical advice.




Fun fact: A vaginal suppository is called a pessary! I know this because in a past career as a graphic designer, I had to design an instruction booklet for pessaries, detailing how the pessary (a small, firm gel egg) needed to be removed from the capsule (a clear 'six-pack' made of rigid plastic) before use. Apparently the company had had customers snapping the eggs off of the six-pack and using them with the (presumably sharp, shattered) plastic capsule still in place. I don't own a vagina, but mine still hurts thinking about that.


As a pharmacy tech, I can tell you that a non-zero number of people wanted to exchange suppositories for something with a better taste. It amazes me how many people survive to adulthood based on simple questions like that.


That’s rough, buddy.


Highly possible it’s bacterial vaginosis. Super common and clears up in a few days with antibiotics. I’ve dated 2 girls that had this, just had an honest talk with them about it. One got the antibiotics and I was going to town on her by the week’s end. The other got defensive and I eventually dumped her bc she refused to do anything about it. Guess which one had a better time?


> Learn to love cunnilingus. Sage advice until you date someone that throws you the curve ball of "I hate getting eaten out", causing a slight panic attack.


Toys exist and can be a lot of fun for both parties.


I used to think I hated getting eaten out until I let my ex do it, he'd beg me because he claimed he loved to do it and needed it to get off and I was like, fine, fuck it, whatever, I want to make you happy. And oh boy, does getting eaten out feel fucking amazing when they *actually* enjoy it instead of just saying they enjoy it.


There are guys who beg women to sit on their face because it makes them feel like they are cool guys or whatever without actually thinking about getting the woman off it blows my mind.


A (probably) wise man on reddit once said, "Cunnilingus needs to start like a butterfly gracefully landing on a rose petal and end like a English bulldog eating a bowl of oatmeal." So far I've had a success rate of 100% with this.


Yup, this is what I do most nights my wife and I bang. Not only does it lessen the pressure for me, but she’s so hot and bothered and usually soaking wet, it’s a win for all. That and getting her off is a HUGE turn in for me.


Right I think the sexiest part is getting her off


Agreed getting that guy's wife off is the best


That’s right. Be a silver medalist.


Might be best use of reddit silver I've seen here.


Dude for real, i figured out how to get my fiance to squirt with my hand. She swears im a god while i just coast off of the sensitivity. And before anyone thinks "yea but she'll figure you out eventually." We're on year 11. We've had big ups and big downs but the bedroom has not once been an issue. Make. Her. Cum. First. Like really find out how she works, what she likes. You cant fake that shit, learn about your woman.


This has always been my strategy and it has never failed.


The problem with this approach is that some women are like men after cumming; their libido vanishes and they lose interest/focus. It sucks the passion out of the room and makes it more difficult for me to get off if she seems like she wants to take a nap after her O. My wife is like this and it sucks. I like to bring my girl to the edge, maybe a couple of times, then I do my business and cum, then I give her the big O she deserves.


This! And to be specific about how I make her cum. Foreplay, then ‘coital alignment technique’ which is just a fancy expression for penetration while using the top of my dick to apply pressure on the clit.


- Touch, kiss, & look at her like you can’t enough of her. - Pull her body against yours. - Turn her around. - U, U, D, D, L, R, L, R, B, A, select, start


Pull her close Turn her around Grab her by the waist Suplex her into the table BAH GAWD STOP THE MATCH


Hit her with the RKO outta nowhere. That's grade A shit right there




By gawd she's broken in half!


Anti-gravity mode activated?


This way doggy style and reverse cowgirl become same position.


Isn’t that what they call the cunnami code?


he ain’t wrong ladies and gentleman


All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, …7..…7…7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7…(mouths 7)!


Could i BE anymore turned on ?!




When Kathy came and hugged Monica to say thank you. 😂


For those who don’t get the reference, or just want to rewatch it - [Friends clip - 7 erogenous zones](https://youtu.be/3NLVior-nLs)


I used to always hit 1,2,3 and go to 7 and set up camp..


When they make funny noises that sound positive, keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing. Don’t change pace, don’t pass go, do not collect $100. In my limited experience, the mistake is assuming women like what men like, i.e. faster and harder at all times. They don’t.


Two things. 1) you gotta talk to each other. She’s got to tell you what she likes, and you what you like. If you can’t have that conversation, not everyone is gonna have a good day. 2) if they/you can’t get yourself off, then how can you tell the other person? That means exploring your own and they having explored their own sexuality so that you can be effective communicators and better partners. It is extremely rare to hit this out of the park the first time. With the tips above, you can both have a satisfying sexual relationship.


As a guy, you'll likely take less time to orgasm. Her taking longer, is your advantage. Use that time to savour her fully. All of her. Ask her what she likes and dislikes and pay close attention to what she reacts to, and how. Focus on what she loves and have lots of foreplay first. Use your mouth, and your hands. Be frisky and explore her all over. Stimulate two erogenous zones at once if you can. Let her finish once before you start. Every time you change positions, go back for some more foreplay. Take your time. It'll give you adequate rest too. Every time you're close, pull out and savour all of her again. Take your time and do the things she loves. Edge yourself for a much stronger orgasm when it finally happens. If you're up for it, hydrate, and use your refractory period to keep at foreplay with her. Just because you aren't hard, doesn't mean sex has to stop for either of you. Don't just focus on oral. Explore what you haven't yet, and more of what you already have. Go as many rounds this way as you can, or want to. Many say sex is a skill. True. See it though, as an art, and your woman as your canvas. Be an artist. There's no ceiling of mastery, just an endless capacity to improve and enchant her, every time. Edit 1: Holy Mother of Horny Batman! I fell asleep, and this blew up before I woke up in the morning. Thank you, friends, for the words of recognition, support and praise. It's good to know that while sex is unique and many like different things, many women find this approach good, and men, helpful. :) Edit 2: Let me also go and say that I'm rank average in size and it makes no difference to my approach. Remember, sex is about good hygiene, the right stimulation, improving technique, being in sync with her, and making her whole body writhe in pleasure. Whole body. She doesn't need to be sore as long as she remembers the sensations all over.


Fucking Dickelangelo here…


For real. Im gay and this mf still got me taking notes on eating pussy


Hah, straiiiight!


Vincent van Cock




Jackson Bollock


Jesus. You made me cackle unceremoniously.


Mans out here spreading The Gospel… This is why learning from your peers is so important.


You're right, his parents taught him well.


This guy fucks


When we used to have time, I'd give my husband head first then use the refractory time for me, then intercourse and of course sex would last even longer... now we just get it done, we got work in the morning lmao!


Haha this! "Gimme the D before the kids wake up!"


You sound like a dream come true, holy fuck


I can see my breath outside for the first time this fall but damn if I didn’t just turn on a fan.


Oh wow. This definitely.


Geeeeez, finish me, finish you, and let's snuggle and sleep.


Woman here. What’s your number and where do you live?


Hahaha! Apologies. I'm spoken for.




I think I speak for all of us women, when I say This X 1000 🙌🏻


Woman here, damn. This.


The first blow job I ever gave was to a guy who was good at giving instructions. He told me to Imagine licking an ice cream cone, sucking a lollipop, and letting hard candy melt in my mouth. I’ve been told many, many times that I give the best blow jobs ever.


Study anatomy, specifically where erogenous zones are and nerves. Have patience, actively seek and be generous with foreplay, treat it like cooking prep, have all your tools and ingredients beforehand, preheat things accordingly, and do your best to time everything just right so it all comes to one big finish at the same time. Also aftercare. It's one thing to have the fireworks all timed right, but if they get a big chilled splash of cold reality right after it's jarring and rude and can erase all the work done prior. So have the necessary towels/wipes/mouthwash ready and waiting beforehand. You're looking to do a total romantic/erotic experience here, and to continue the cooking/dining metaphor, that means foreplay/appetizers, lovemaking/dinner, and aftercare/dessert. You have to have it all.


>Also aftercare. It's one thing to have the fireworks all timed right, but if they get a big chilled splash of child reality right after it's jarring and rude and can erase all the work done prior. So have the necessary towels/wipes/mouthwash ready and waiting beforehand. Such an invaluable aspect that no one talks about. It's important to maintain hygiene after sex, even more than before, to prevent infections. It's also vital to clean up and feel good ahout the conclusion.


Damn, woman here, this guy has got the wise advice.


Upvote this if you eat boogers.


Superman fucks good, you fuck well.


Well fuck


No, I don’t plan on fucking a well.


A hole is in fact, a hole. Oh well.


Knowing making her cum feels even better than when you do. Not even being concerned with getting off yourself. And that sex isn’t solely penetration, making her aware of every inch that makes the precious beautiful woman before you and becoming one as you get lost within each other’s mind body and soul. Connect with her. Not just her body, connect with her beautiful mind. You get there, and the energy created between one another will make the sex amazing. Allowing you both to disappear together. Watching her face, feeling her mind and body surrender to the very moment your creating. Holding her tightly while licking the wet from her thighs as her legs shake just to taste her. And this is only the journey across the sexy sweaty topography of her body. Not even thinking of “sex” yet. Don’t deny yourself all the beauty foolish men overlook. And be in the moment.


I've found that men really like it when you express how good they feel and how good they make you feel.


This is how I do it with women: **You have to 'connect'** with the girl, e.g.: * look at her, look into her eyes * take her neck with your hand * strangle your fingers, both hands * whisper her name **Be in the best shape of your life**. You will be harder, you can hold positions longer even when they are uncomfortable, etc. I have been out of shape and I can tell you it's a different world, your hormones go wild. And your belly won't be there, so it's not disturbing, you look bigger and you are way more attractive to your partner. **Learn**: watch some video's on YP/PH/... (e.g. Nina Hartley Teaches is a very good one that will up your cunnilingus level immediately) **Listen/Feedback**: listen to her, to her breath, to her mumbling, ask if she likes what you are doing **Use your hands:** learn to use your hands, kiss her, but take her neck, lick her, but stroke her inner thighs or breasts, find her g-spot with your fingers, etc. know how to use your hands and always use them **Be assertive**: in general make her feel like you know what you're doing (fake it till you make it), go with your hands in her hair and massage her head, then grab her hair close to her head, maybe pull it softly, these kind of things, but always make sure to 'feel' if she might dislike too much assertiveness **Intimacy**: make sure you are intimate, don't try to fuck like they do on porn sets, most women hate this, so be intimate, hug, kiss, look into her eyes, make her feel like she is the most beautiful and wanted girl on the planet and that you love her **Use your voice**: try to see if she's into dirty talk, start easy "hmm I like you, this feels great, you like this don't you?, you want it harder? etc."


As a lesbian who has been with both men and women—communicate, communicate, communicate. There was a large scale study done regarding those who consistently orgasm by sexual orientation. Lesbian and gay men were on the top of the group who are the most satisfied with sex, followed by straight men, and lastly, straight women. My fellow lesbians are usually and *almost always* better at pleasing women because we communicate. Does that feel good? Like that? Harder? Softer? Faster? Slower? Also realize that the vast majority of people with vulvas cannot climax with penetration alone. Ask and learn what feels good to your partner. No one is born good at sex, we just communicate and ask


This is the only response OP needs. What works for one person might not for another and the only way to know is to communicate. My sex life improved dramatically once I got over my hesitation and just started *telling* my partners what I wanted and listened when they told me what they wanted.


I’m a dude who has had major fluctuations in fitness level over the last ten years, and let me tell you that being in shape makes a huuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggge difference.


I've been told im really good by all of my past lovers. I've narrowed it down to just being really passionate. It sounds really douchey but dont just have sex, make love. Look them in the eyes, embrace them, suck them nips boys. Most importantly, have a laugh and make it fun. On the contrary, I've never had a 1 night stand so I'm sure it would be hard to have an emotional connection that way.


this. my experiences with one night stand is just casual sex (even with some foreplay) and usually isn’t the best. then when you continue having sex with this same person it gets better and better


Good head is the mecca. Men are a sucker for it Touch the balls, don’t be scared Also find a good rhythm. A lot of being good at sex is timing and knowing how to move your body. Know what makes your body feel good too. Watching someone enjoy themselves getting fucked is awesome for everyone, don’t forget to enjoy yourself and not be silent (unless it’s necessary 😏) Chemistry is also super important. Communication as well!


Lots of foreplay and making out, communication, paying attention to your partner and their non-verbal cues, and knowing your partner and what they like.


7, 7, 7


I don’t think any of these men know how to fuck cuz not one of you mentioned the clitoris


My thoughts exactly. Since we have two kids now, this whole hour long foreplay stuff isn’t in the cards most times. Don’t get me wrong it’s great when we can do that for each other, but most nights, the small vibrator focused on the clitoris does wonders. It’s a constant pleasure that she can control, and it lets me focus on my part completely. Toys for the win!


A man asked me once why women liked vibrators. I told him it's just a different means of delivery with the same end result, sometimes we want, or time permitting, need quick gratification, like sometimes you just want to order a hot slice of pizza and not prepare a slow cooked roast. Both are awesome in the end!


Ain’t that the truth. Same thing as different positions in bed. It’s different but aimed at same result. It’s always weird to me that most men masturbate fairly often, yet get so belittled by women’s toys being used. Like dude it’s not your rival, it’s your best teammate ever


There's no singular right answer, at least not as far as technique goes, because everyone is different and likes different specific things or the same things in different orders or any variations on a theme, people are diverse and weird. One thing to keep in mind is that it's extremely difficult to be super-good at pleasing someone straight away. It takes time to build a rapport, to establish communication, and to be comfortable being vulnerable with someone. We're fumbling, awkward, easily excitable people for whom learning the various roadmaps to pleasure takes time and practice. One night stands are fine for a different kind of fun, don't get me wrong, but they're erotic, more often than not, for the adventure of strangers and behaving out of character and such, not because the sex is mind blowing. There's also often alcohol involved and that isn't exactly a performance enhancer. (Again, can have it's place too, liquid courage and all.) Communication is pretty important. You have to get over the fact that kinks of all kinds are embarrassing and asking for things, admitting what you like and what turns you on opens you up to being made fun of, trust is sexy, and part of trust is giving over your fears and inhibitions and private fantasies. It's also kind of important to determining sexual chemistry, different strokes for different folks, and putting your cards on the table early can save you a lot of disappointment and heartache down the road when it turns out you really wanna play cowboy and your partner is into astronaut butt-stuff. Foreplay is almost always key. That's thoroughly covered in the answers so I'm not going to get too much into, other than "pay attention". Someone enjoying themselves, even if they're not a good communicator, will generally give a bunch of clues. Not a rule, there are some cold-fish people out there, but at the same time there are people into that too and that brings us back around to the talking stuff. Try stuff. A lot of people discover what they're really into by doing it the first time. Unless the goal is ruthless German efficiency, sex is playful, you can experiment, it's the oldest industry in the world and there are volumes upon volumes of different ways to do it, different styles and accessories, go nuts, you only live once, get that studded rubber cucumber with a lawnmower engine, though that's mostly advice for people with free healthcare. I can't in good conscience recommend sex for Americans. Don't be afraid to say what you didn't like. Nothing is worse than having a lover that bites your fingernails because you never worked up the courage to say you hated it and now it's part of your routine and oh god you miss being able to open soda cans. Tell someone, gently, kindly, when something doesn't work for you. This is also a great way to weed out the (figurative) assholes. (Weeding literal assholes will not be covered.) For fucks sakes, educate your damn self. Some of you still think the sex hole and the pee hole on women is the same thing and that's a goddamned embarrassment. Spouting of clinic terms isn't generally speaking a turn on, but not knowing basic sex-ed shit is a major turn off and gives the impression you're an ignorant amateur that wasn't worth shaving anything for, get your shit together and google some questions. And while you're there, do a little safe sex and contraception research, if you weren't paying attention in sex ed this is also some good shit to know. You should have a passing knowledge of the menstrual cycle, how pregnancy works, how effective various forms of birth control are, what the different parts of your respective undercarriage are and do, and so on. The fact that "can't find the clit" is a cliché is a sad commentary on how few of us learned wtf the internet was really for and something that can be fixed, in like, fifteen seconds if you turn safe-search off. Vaginas come in a vast assortment of shapes and sizes, they're all good, it's fine if some look sexy to you and some don't, don't be a dick about it. Sex doesn't make anything loose, don't be an idiot. Dick size, generally, is not a big deal. Penetrative sex is far and away one of the least effective ways for women to orgasm on average, and unless it looks like it was drawn on or like some kind of massive is-that-a-tumor monstrosity, you're probably fine. Dicks also come in a bunch of shapes and sizes, and same deal, not all appeal to everybody, just don't be an ass. (I have one and I frankly don't get what anyone sees in them, but whatever, my life would be much poorer if everyone felt the same way.) Full disclosure, these are just my opinions. I'm like 39, I've been sexually active for twenty three years, and these are just the conclusions I've come to so far. Best of luck to y'all, have fun and be safe.